My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord;
My heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.
Psalm 84:2
“How can a soul be so full to the point of bursting, and yet be ready for more?”
“How can a soul simultaneously be flooded with joy, and yet aware of
barrenness?”
These
were thoughts that ran through my mind yesterday as our church celebrated at
the Lord’s Table. The awesome majesty of the holiness of God displayed
before us in Isaiah’s encounter with the Lord God Almighty caused a fresh
awareness of the total otherness of God, the transcendence of God. His
holiness causes us to cry out “Woe!” But just as powerfully, His
readiness and activity to forgive in mercy causes us to cry out “Hallelujah!
What a Savior!”
The
opportunity to intensely ponder the sacrifice of Jesus Christ welled up within
me a renewed wonder of how my God could die for me. Not just the
logistical, theological, or personal machinations of the process of God coming
down from Heaven to die on the cross, but the sheer
marvel that He would, and that He would do so for rebels like me.
Yet
in considering all that the Holy Trinity has done in regards to my salvation,
the working of bringing this dead soul to life, I was also ashamed.
Should not the knowledge and experience of all of this engender unadulterated
and uncompromising love and adoration and allegiance? Yet, I know the
secrets of my own heart, as does my Master; my heart is often not His
alone. O wretched saint that I am!
There
was my heart, on the one hand shouting His praise, and on the other, confessing
and decrying my own weaknesses, my own willingness to get spiritually
distracted and satisfied with lesser things. How can a soul be so full
and so barren? So joyful, and yet so painfully aware of apathy towards
the God I love in the little moments of everyday life?
But
then, just as I was about to descend into despair, I was reminded of His
unending mercies and that even my sins and slothfulness after conversion are
covered by the blood of Christ, and my heart soared once again. “When
the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul.” (Psalm
94:19) He is so good, yes, even too good to this child.
The
motion of the Christian soul is indeed this very pattern: God reveals
Himself even more to the saved sinner who sees His daily transgressions all the
more clearly. The saint then calls upon God for renewed mercies, and the
Father answers, with fresh tender love and another intimate disclosing of Himself.
Thus the cycle of revelation – humiliation/confession – sanctification
continues and intensifies for us while we remain in these earthen
vessels. The wonder of God’s constant work in our souls, and the surety
of the promise that He will present us to Himself with joy and purity is more
than we can comprehend, though we should rightly endeavor to do so.
Yet,
my heart, so full of the Lord yesterday, stands before a new day. Will I
still long for Him alone? Will I remain in awe and wonder and humble adoration
of Him, or will I allow the fleas of this world to distract me away? In
the words of the old hymn:
“O to grace how great a debtor, daily I’m constrained to be!”
Let Thy grace Lord, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.”
Our
Father has designed our hearts to be full, and even overwhelmed with Him.
May these verses help us in meditating upon Him and pursuing our greatest joy
in Him alone.
Psalm
13:5 But I have trusted in
your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
Psalm
16:9 Therefore my heart is glad,
and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
Psalm
28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and
I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
Psalm
57:7 My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody!
Psalm
86:11-12 Teach me your way,
O Lord, that I may walk in your
truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my
God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.
Psalm
111:1 Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company
of the upright, in the congregation.
O
Lord, may Your completing grace be strong in my life. Strong in power to
make me more like Your Son, and strong in attraction so that my soul indeed is
satisfied only in You.
Your Humbled Pastor - PK